Why Neurodivergent Children Are Always “In Trouble” at School – ADHD, Dyslexia, Autism & Behaviour Support (with Neil)

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Why do so many neurodivergent children seem to be “always in trouble” at school? In this episode of Able to Care, Andy Baker is joined by Neil – a long-time SENCO with lived experience of dyslexia and ADHD – to unpack what’s really happening underneath the behaviour.

This is a conversation for parents, carers, and educators who are tired of hearing labels like lazy, disruptive, or bad kid – when the reality is often overload, unmet needs, and shame-based avoidance.

What’s really going on when a child keeps getting sanctioned?

Neil explains how mainstream classrooms often teach to the “middle group”, leaving two fringe groups vulnerable:

• The loud kids – who are noticed, removed, and punished (often for struggling to access learning)
• The quiet kids – who disappear, disengage, and get missed completely

Either way, the outcome can be the same: a child internalises the message that they’re a problem.

The emotional experience of learning differences

Neil describes how school can feel from the inside for children with dyslexia, ADHD, or autism – not as a place of growth, but as a repeated cycle of failure, public comparison, and humiliation. That’s where you see patterns like:

• avoidance (time-wasting, clowning, “messing about”)
• shutdown and learned helplessness
• impulsivity and constant telling-off
• masking and disengagement

School-based trauma and the “school-to-prison pipeline”

Neil breaks down what people mean by the school-to-prison pipeline – how repeated exclusion, isolation, and disconnection from learning can push some young people towards risk, criminalisation, and long-term harm.

The conversation also highlights the link between undiagnosed SEND and later vulnerability – including difficulties around literacy, access to support, and being misunderstood by systems that are heavily form-based and compliance-led.

Key themes include:

• Why behaviour is often a child’s way of asking for help
• How shame blocks learning – and fuels escalation
• Why “just try harder” is a damaging message for neurodivergent learners
• How EBSA (Emotionally Based School Avoidance) is increasingly being reframed as school-based distress
• Why early screening matters – and why secondary school makes support harder

Practical advice for parents and carers

If you’re worried your child is heading towards exclusion, Neil offers clear steps:

• use early screeners for ADHD, dyslexia, or autism to build understanding
• start documenting patterns (what they find hard, when behaviour spikes, what helps)
• push early for support – especially in primary, where adults know the child better
• avoid “perfect” homework if you’re doing it for them – aim for honest evidence

One powerful takeaway: a school cannot force you to remove your child – and families shouldn’t be pressured into decisions that remove the school’s duty to support.

Rebuilding self-worth: helping children see themselves differently

Neil shares what helps children who’ve internalised “I’m stupid” or “I’m the bad kid”: finding strengths, building a sense of capability outside school, using specific feedback, and surrounding them with at least one adult who genuinely believes in them.

If you work in education, care, or parenting, this episode is a reminder to stop asking “what’s wrong with this child?” and start asking “what’s happening for them?”